The Probability of Happiness

According to the Second Noble Truth in Buddhism, the root or cause of suffering is the desire of that which is outside of ourselves and the attachment we have to this desire. To put it simply, our suffering does not come from external sources alone, our outer world such as the events, situations, or circumstances which may upset us, our suffering comes from our inner world, our attitudes and perspectives on these events, and how we choose to process them.

Suffering comes from the events of our mind.

Now I am not here to give a lesson in Buddhist philosophy, I am here to say that happiness is a choice.

We have these predetermined ideas of how we want things to unfold, and when reality differs from that, when life doesn’t go according to plan, we are unhappy - thus suffering.

Suffering is caused by the contrast between what we have decided we want in our mind, expectations - and our reality not matching it, disappointment. 

So what is the solution? Shift our perspective? Reduce our expectations? Easier said than done.

But in my own experience, the first step is awareness. When we remind ourselves that we are in the driver’s seat of our mind, we begin to reclaim our power. We get to decide how much influence our circumstances have over our inner state.

We get to choose happiness.

With consistent practice, this awareness becomes a habit. Over time, we find ourselves with greater control over our reactions and greater ease in choosing a more peaceful perspective.

This is not to say we will no longer encounter suffering. Life inevitably presents obstacles, challenges, and pain - whether emotional or physical. Frustration, grief, and even trauma are part of the human experience. Our ability to feel deeply is part of what makes us human.

But we can experience these emotions without becoming lost in them or allowing them to define our identity - especially when the situation is outside of our control.

When a wave of emotion hits, we can pause and simply notice what we are feeling. Rather than resisting it, we can allow the feeling to move through us.

Neuroanatomist Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor describes this through what she calls the 90-second rule. When we experience an emotional reaction, a 90-second chemical process occurs physically in our body. Stress hormones are released, flooding our system. This brief window is an opportunity to pause and take hold of our mindset so that we do not become trapped in an ongoing emotional loop.

(Read more about Dr. Jill’s 90-second rule here)

Once the wave of emotion passes and we have removed our attachment to it, we can ask ourselves one simple question: Is there anything productive I can do to improve this situation?

And then, perhaps most importantly, we can thank ourselves for having the awareness to notice what we are feeling.

Some may argue that without the capacity for suffering we would not recognize joy, that both are necessary, As Carl Jung wrote, “The word 'happy' would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness".

What we can always choose, however, is the lens through which we view our lives.

Affirmation: “I choose to see through the lens of joy.”